Dr. Fetter

That sum-a-bitch!

I always used to wonder why everyone laughed at me as a child. I remember back in '79 when I went to the first day of high school with a fresh coat of Dr. Fetter's cream on my face. Everyone started snickering at me as I walk to my first class. It really made me think. Why was everyone laughing; I mean none of them could deny that Dr. Fetter's cream wasn't just the absolute best they ever had. Nor could they admit they ever had any better. That's the reason he has to expose his genitals when he applies the cream to your face. The first trip to the campus bathroom was a rather enlightening experience. As soon as one of the older boys mentioned the word "masturbation" and explained exactly what it was, it dawned on me that Dr. Fetter's cream was actually his own sperm after eating nothing but a strictly avocado dip diet for a year. I saw what the people were laughing at and wiped the spooge from my face, right there in the "boys room". I would often play "super Mario Brothers 2" on my home video unit (the H.O.V.E. [Household Oscillating Ventilation Enzyme]) and bet my big brother big lotto type money that I could get the "high score". On that day, I did the same. That's the same day that my brother brought some strange drugs with him and forced me to eat them. While under the influence of the "drugs", he would tie me up and throw me in the trunk of the family car. He drove me down to Dr. Fetter's secret medical building and let the sorry son-of-a-bitch cum on my face. I was so zapped I had no idea what was going on; so I thought nothing of it. The next day, I had no choice but to go to school with Dr. Fetter's cream on my face. Everyone laughed again and I did have another 'experience' in the 'boyz room'. I almost graduated before I found out that this was a reoccurring cycle and had probably damaged me for life. I blame my brother for being so damn mean to me. But then again, can you disagree with him?