Dudied

100 times better that trash...death.

I look down at the dis organized floor in my room noticing the half used bottle of mayonaise that I forgot to put in the refrigerator and an ashtry full of cigarette butts. Across the room lays a bag full of trash in desperate need of being put outside. Is this what my life amounts too? Death. If I die right now were all the things said that needed to be said? Are all the thing that needed to be done completed? I begin wondering and my mind acidentally shows me an image of the outdoor live music performance I attended last summer. It was really hot and sunny that day so I took off my shirt leaving me a sore of a sunburn. Ah, those were good times. It wasn't all that long ago but does my present situation bring me any more happiness? Am I progressing intellectually or digressing? I light another cigarrette to help me think about it but my focus is lost in the burning end of the rolled tabacco. That damn trash! Maybe I should put it out right now. You know, seize the moment; don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today and all that other shit I've heard before. I could die right now and what difference would it make. The trash would still be unemptied, the ashtray would still be full but the only difference is ... I would be lifeless. Maybe someone would care. I do have a family and a girlfriend, you know. I'm sure they would care. If they were to find me dead in my living room tomorrow morning with the trash still full and the ashtry full of burnt-out cigarrettes, would they think any less of me? They probably would but pretend not to critisize me because I'm dead... and that's a terrible thing when someone you know dies. But I'm sure that idea might just cross their mind at one point or another. So, in fact, they would, to some degree, think a little less of me. I remember my grandmother saying something to me about always wearing clean underwear just in case you get in an accident and someone sees your underwear. Maybe she knew something I don't. The people at my work would probably freak out the most. I would be late tomorrow, thay would curse me and call my house to find nobody to answer the phone. Then they would think very negatively about me. By the way, I wonder how they would find out that I am dead and not coming to work anymore? Who would tell them? They might think that I'm the most unreliable asshole in the company for several days until they did find out. Then wont they feel shitty for thinking badly about a dead person. Ha! I probably won't die tonight and things will continue as normal tomorrow just as if I never had these thoughts. But then again, who knows!?